I did it. Officially I am probably the meanest mom in the world. I declared to my children last night that this morning I was going in their rooms and bagging EVERYTHING UP. They would be able to pick out one toy and one dress up outfit and the rest were being put into boxes or bags and being shipped out of the house. (Only twenty feet to the garage) The ironic part is my husband asked the other night if I’m an all or nothing sort of person…. well as of today I guess I am.
Two things. They have a week or two to show me that they can take care of these two items, put them away where they go, pick them up after they are done, and take care of them. If they can’t, then they are stuck with just two for a while. If they can, then they can slowly take one more item out at a time and show me they can be responsible for a few more.
Why?
This mommy is tired of tripping over everything to get into rooms. Tired of demanding, threatening, bribing and finally just cleaning it herself. I’m tired of seeing how I am creating terrible habits in my children, and expecting very little from them. Yes they are small, yes they aren’t adults, and yet I see that I am doing a HUGE disservice to them by not teaching them how to take care of things, put things away, and be responsible. I’m doing a huge disservice by doing it for them sometimes because it it’s just faster.
In reality they are small and I’m making it almost entirely impossible to help them l
earn this by giving them LOTS of toys. More toys than they can handle and manage, and so many toys that it completely OVERWHELMS them. Especially when it comes to cleaning them and putting them away. It OVERWHELMS me! Just trying to figure out how to organize things, how to make it easier for them to put things away and take care of it. How to help them want to take care of it. It’s just plain tiring and all the other ways have just not worked.
So we’re going with this tactic. The method of “choices and accountability” and being good “stewards”. I’m still going to let them keep the two items I mentioned, so they don’t have a complete meltdown and so they can prove to me by how they choose to take care o
f these two things, whether or not they are accountable enough to take care of more. They are little, they need to learn how to be responsible for a few things at a time. Doesn’t the Lord do the same thing with us? He give us a small stewardship with the promise that if we take care of it then more will be added upon it. They don’t know the satisfaction of taking care of that one toy especially well, because it’s the only one they have and if it gets ruined they have nothing. They need to start small, with something that is within reach and totally attainable and go from there.
So will I be back in a few days saying this completely failed? Who knows maybe. Are they going to go nuts. I don’t think so. They might complain but it’s summer they have the outdoors to go run and play in, they still have crayons and markers and things to draw with, and I have other things I want to do and teach them. Maybe it will be a blessing in disguise. As my husband asked last night as he raised his eyebrow at my declaration. “Hmm… Who is going to give in first?” We shall see and I’ll let you know in a day or two how it is going.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Memorials
This last week we had a busy week which led us home to Star Valley for the funeral of a good friend of ours from our home town.
Ryan had been struggling with cancer for the last year, and at one point thought he had won the battle, only to have it reappear and take him home. We had been keeping up on his blog Team Ryan for the last year with what he had been going through thanks to his strong and supportive wife. He was only 30, Beau’s age, and left a wife and two young children. It is sad and yet after attending the funeral, you knew it was his time. He had accomplished what he needed to do in mortality. You also had completely peace knowing they had been sealed together in the temple and that an eternal family was their blessing after this life. It was an awesome funeral. The kind that every funeral should be like. Full of hope because of the Savior’s atonement and resurrection, great memories and tributes to his amazing life and the wonderful person that he was. We left wanting to be better so that we could be with him again and be where we knew he was.
I had been doing good keeping emotions at check, until I walked into the viewing. Seeing his parents, sisters and brother greet people as well as his wife just got me so choked up, wondering about the loss they must feel. I also saw a picture of Ryan as a little kid and all of the sudden the memories flooded back of growing up. Our families were really good friends. It seemed like every Sunday or weekend our families would end up together at one of our homes and we would spend hours entertaining each up coming up with circus acts, plays and games of cops and robbers and Annie. We would escape to the basement getting our acts and performances put together while the parents had their much needed adult time together with no interruptions from us children. Hours later we would call our parents down and have them be the audience while we showed off our latest baton twirling act, and award winning acting during the play “Sleeping Beauty.”
As we got older it started turning around to toilet papering each other’s homes during family reunions. One night while throwing the toilet paper we were scared to death when the garage door started opening at 2 am, and Gary pulled out on a late night call to the hospital. We’d still spent many evenings together as we were older, we’d just migrate up to listen the adults. I still love sitting and hearing Ryan’s dad, Gary, tell stories. We’d spend New Years Even together sometimes playing games. We also started the tradition of having a ‘journey meal’ on Christmas Eve together to remind us of their journey to Bethlehem and that special night of the Savior’s birth. We still do it now with my own children.
It circumstances like this that bring people together that you haven’t seen for years. You have the chance to remember times and moments when each of them touched your life forever. A time to reflect that the main reason you are who you are is because of a combination of all these people who have been a part of your earthly journey, teaching, sharing, laughing and sharing life together. It makes you realize how incredibly blessed you are to know such amazing people. Amazing people like Ryan and his family, people that made your life better. It’s makes you realize that everything isn’t about you. Because the only reason you are you… is because of them.
I pray for his wife Margie and her little children that they’ll have the spirit to be with them in the difficult days that lay ahead. It is sure to be a hard road sometimes. But the thought that stuck out the most to me in the funeral is:
“The only way to take the pain and sorrow out of death, is to take the love out of life.”
And that’s what I felt this weekend. Love. Love for Ryan. Love for his family, and a realization that when death does hit even closer to home for me, that it will be painful I’m sure. But that will be because I truly loved them in life, and I wouldn’t change that for anything.
Ryan had been struggling with cancer for the last year, and at one point thought he had won the battle, only to have it reappear and take him home. We had been keeping up on his blog Team Ryan for the last year with what he had been going through thanks to his strong and supportive wife. He was only 30, Beau’s age, and left a wife and two young children. It is sad and yet after attending the funeral, you knew it was his time. He had accomplished what he needed to do in mortality. You also had completely peace knowing they had been sealed together in the temple and that an eternal family was their blessing after this life. It was an awesome funeral. The kind that every funeral should be like. Full of hope because of the Savior’s atonement and resurrection, great memories and tributes to his amazing life and the wonderful person that he was. We left wanting to be better so that we could be with him again and be where we knew he was.
I had been doing good keeping emotions at check, until I walked into the viewing. Seeing his parents, sisters and brother greet people as well as his wife just got me so choked up, wondering about the loss they must feel. I also saw a picture of Ryan as a little kid and all of the sudden the memories flooded back of growing up. Our families were really good friends. It seemed like every Sunday or weekend our families would end up together at one of our homes and we would spend hours entertaining each up coming up with circus acts, plays and games of cops and robbers and Annie. We would escape to the basement getting our acts and performances put together while the parents had their much needed adult time together with no interruptions from us children. Hours later we would call our parents down and have them be the audience while we showed off our latest baton twirling act, and award winning acting during the play “Sleeping Beauty.”
As we got older it started turning around to toilet papering each other’s homes during family reunions. One night while throwing the toilet paper we were scared to death when the garage door started opening at 2 am, and Gary pulled out on a late night call to the hospital. We’d still spent many evenings together as we were older, we’d just migrate up to listen the adults. I still love sitting and hearing Ryan’s dad, Gary, tell stories. We’d spend New Years Even together sometimes playing games. We also started the tradition of having a ‘journey meal’ on Christmas Eve together to remind us of their journey to Bethlehem and that special night of the Savior’s birth. We still do it now with my own children.
It circumstances like this that bring people together that you haven’t seen for years. You have the chance to remember times and moments when each of them touched your life forever. A time to reflect that the main reason you are who you are is because of a combination of all these people who have been a part of your earthly journey, teaching, sharing, laughing and sharing life together. It makes you realize how incredibly blessed you are to know such amazing people. Amazing people like Ryan and his family, people that made your life better. It’s makes you realize that everything isn’t about you. Because the only reason you are you… is because of them.
I pray for his wife Margie and her little children that they’ll have the spirit to be with them in the difficult days that lay ahead. It is sure to be a hard road sometimes. But the thought that stuck out the most to me in the funeral is:
“The only way to take the pain and sorrow out of death, is to take the love out of life.”
And that’s what I felt this weekend. Love. Love for Ryan. Love for his family, and a realization that when death does hit even closer to home for me, that it will be painful I’m sure. But that will be because I truly loved them in life, and I wouldn’t change that for anything.
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